- Both had overbearing fathers whose one goal from their child's adolescence was to drill them and push them to be the best in their respective field. For both this lead to fame at a very young age. Tiger was on the Mike Douglas Show at the age of 3. Michael Jackson shot to stardom with his brothers at the age of 11 with this appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show. This early fame resulted in the them not being able to have a normal childhood and trying to compensate for that loss later in life.
- Both appear to be mentally/emotionally suspended somewhere around the age of 12. This is very obvious in Jackson with the Neverland Ranch and the idea that he was a modern day Peter Pan. Tiger displays this in his poor behavior on the golf course and his love of off-color jokes. He also often doesn't appear to be able to have an adult conversion. Whenever he is interviewed and goes away from the Tiger Cliches of "hitting the ball well" and "putting the ball well", it doesn't go so well. Lastly his text messages to his mistresses sound very similar to what one would expect from a horny insecure sixth grader.
- Both were the best in their disciplines and revolutionized their respective fields as a black person. They are both so well loved by their die-hard fans, that their major scandals did not cause them to be abandoned. Michael Jackson sold out 50 shows at the O2 Arena in London in a matter of hours, while the Tiger's first tournament back will likely result in the highest television ratings for golf ever.
- Both have had enormous scandals. Michael Jackson has been accused of child molestation multiple times, as well as suffering a very shady death. Tiger Woods has turned out to be one of the biggest philander of all time with a dozen plus mistresses and most likely many others that we will never know about. Both gave very bizarre press conferences regarding their scandals that made it appear that they are off in their own world and have a very hard time relating to the common person. Jackson went on national television and denied any inappropriate relations with children and described how the police examined his penis. Not exactly the picture you want in people's minds when asking them for understanding. Tiger went on national television as RoboTiger admitting to infidelities dressed like an 80 year old man, while taking zero question and going off on various tangents.
- Both are extremely private people, almost to a fault. Michael to his death denied having more than one plastic surgery and often covered his face and the faces of his children with scarves for privacy. Tiger has never really given an interview where he talks about anything but golf and has a yacht named Privacy. Due to this extreme privacy, both of their nefarious behaviors led to a greater shock than if we had know them a bit more as people, rather than just their carefully polished images.
- Both have various addictions. Michael Jackson was likely addicted to plastic surgery and was addicted various prescription drugs off and on starting in the mid-80s. Tiger's behavior suggests that he is addicted to sex and recent reports have said that he also received treatment for addiction to Vicodin and Ambien. Jackson was not able to conquer his addictions and only time will tell whether or not Tiger will.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Is Tiger Woods The Next Michael Jackson?
The two biggest events of the past year are arguably the death of Michael Jackson and the demise of Tiger Woods. At first glance the two celebrities involved in these events have nothing in common. The most famous athlete in the world and an aging pop star who most people believe was a pedophile and has destroyed his face with plastic surgery. You're thinking: Come on, there are no similarities between them, right? But if you examine the lives of these two men, they are eerily similar. In list style fashion, here are the similarities:
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Un Pop Culture Rant: Politics
This post marks a new feature on the Big Grinder With Cheese blog, the Un Pop Culture Rant. This feature will be what its name suggests, a rant about a topic that is very unpopular in our culture. So without further ado, onto the debut.
Like most people my age, I am fed up with politics. What is more unpopular at the moment than politicians and all their shenanigans? The reasons for this are infinite, but I will list a few.
Like most people my age, I am fed up with politics. What is more unpopular at the moment than politicians and all their shenanigans? The reasons for this are infinite, but I will list a few.
- The most annoying for me is the inability of a single politician to answer a question with a honest response that makes sense and actually addresses the question, followed by no one calling them out on their lame answer. Rep Mike Pence of Indiana displayed this ability beautifully on Meet the Press this past Sunday, when asked if he thought the Christmas Day Plane Bomber should have been read his Miranda Rights when he was arrested. Rather than answering with a simple yes or no, he came up with this beauty (I'm paraphrasing): My constituents are wondering why this plane bomber gets his Miranda Rights and a civilian trial while the Fort Hood Shooter, a military officer, who killed military personnel on a military base is getting a military trial? What? You're constituents are wondering why a military officer who committed murder against military personnel on a military base is getting a military trial? Notice the common word in that last sentence? MILITARY. I haven't followed the plane bomber case close enough to render an opinion of how the should be tried, but Pence's reasoning is ludicrous. He didn't even answer the question, which was what HE thought, and in the process made his constituents look dopey. And to top it all off, no one batted an eyelash or questioned the ridiculous statement.
- No politicians have balls. Dick Cheney has been running his mouth about how Barack Obama is endangering America for the last year, most recently having a showdown with Joe Biden on terrorism. Why won't anyone tell this guy he is being irresponsible and to shut the hell up. If Al Gore tried this act during the Bush presidency, he would have been crucified by the administration. Everyone pussy foots around the issue with statements like "Cheney may not have the most current information" or "I don't agree with him". How about saying "Cheney is lying and trying to scare America in order to protect his legacy and is an irresponsible piece of crap." That would be very refreshing, but sadly will never happen.
- The conventions and conferences have got to stop. What is the point of these? Gathering a few thousand maniacs in a room that will applaud anything the speakers say. Barack Obama or Dick Cheney could come out and describe their latest bowl movement and a garner a minute long standing ovation. What is the point of this? Their lemming-like applause and bizarre outfits clearly show that everyone in attendance needs next to zero convincing to convert to the cause. And any sane person watching one of these gatherings is not converted, rather they will wonder what the hell they are watching? Did someone get a hidden video of a Hare Krishna or Branch Davidian meeting? For the unfamiliar, those are cults, and these conventions and conferences can be described as cultish and just plain creepy.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
What Happened to Luke Wilson?
Unless you've been living under a rock for the last 6 months, you've probably been barraged with those atrocious AT&T commercials. You're first thought after suffering through one of those is probably "Wow, that really sucked!". This is followed by the notion that that bloated carcass playing the AT&T pitchman looks very familiar. This starts the brain synapses firing, and then it hits you: "Holy crap, that's Luke Wilson of Old School fame!". This realization is quickly followed by the question: "What the hell happened to Luke Wilson?".
Well, I tell you what happened to him. He caught a disease, and he is a sick, sick man. And that ailment my friends is called Val Kilmer Disease (VKD). Symptoms include but are not limited to:
Obviously this picture speaks for itself; simply jarring. Allow me to point out a few VKD symptoms: very attractive as Iceman in Top Gun, now has man boobs, a giant belly and a face that appears to have doubled in size. Another symptom, the last movie that the general public probably remembers him in is Alexander (2004), which was only noteworthy because it was such a huge flop and disappointment. You're probably thinking, wow I never gave Val Kilmer that much thought, but that does sound like a serious malady, but Luke Wilson can't have contracted VKD. You better believe he has, just take a 
look at the image to your left. Notice the piercing brown eyes and chiseled features on the before VKD image compared with the eyes that are almost swollen shut, the jowls and the turkey gobbler on the post VKD image. Not pictured, last notable role a supporting part in
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004). Needless to say if Luke Wilson had not somehow got the job with AT&T as their annoying, smug pitchman (my theory is significant bribes to the AT&T corporate structure from brother Owen), his career would be continuing it's downward spiral into the land of Z celebrities and bad VH1 reality shows. But alas, it appears that he has possibly found a cure or at least a treatment to stop the alphabetic fall caused by Val Kilmer Disease from A to Z at a semi-respectable C and made himself, for now, somewhat relevant in the pop culture landscape.
Well, I tell you what happened to him. He caught a disease, and he is a sick, sick man. And that ailment my friends is called Val Kilmer Disease (VKD). Symptoms include but are not limited to:
- Having at one point been very good looking
- Currently looking very bloated and unhealthy
- Once being in huge movies i.e. Top Gun, Old School
- Not having been in a movie anyone has heard of in five plus years
- Most significantly patient's current appearance prompts people to ask "What the hell happened to him?"
Obviously this picture speaks for itself; simply jarring. Allow me to point out a few VKD symptoms: very attractive as Iceman in Top Gun, now has man boobs, a giant belly and a face that appears to have doubled in size. Another symptom, the last movie that the general public probably remembers him in is Alexander (2004), which was only noteworthy because it was such a huge flop and disappointment. You're probably thinking, wow I never gave Val Kilmer that much thought, but that does sound like a serious malady, but Luke Wilson can't have contracted VKD. You better believe he has, just take a 
look at the image to your left. Notice the piercing brown eyes and chiseled features on the before VKD image compared with the eyes that are almost swollen shut, the jowls and the turkey gobbler on the post VKD image. Not pictured, last notable role a supporting part inAnchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004). Needless to say if Luke Wilson had not somehow got the job with AT&T as their annoying, smug pitchman (my theory is significant bribes to the AT&T corporate structure from brother Owen), his career would be continuing it's downward spiral into the land of Z celebrities and bad VH1 reality shows. But alas, it appears that he has possibly found a cure or at least a treatment to stop the alphabetic fall caused by Val Kilmer Disease from A to Z at a semi-respectable C and made himself, for now, somewhat relevant in the pop culture landscape.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The Situation Room With the Situation
I, like the majority of America, was caught up in the whirlwind phenomena that is the Jersey Shore. If you were to tell me that you didn't know who Snooki or the Situation (the greatest reality star ever) are, I would call you a lilly-livered-lier. One of my new favorite pass times is brainstorming ways that the Situation can be integrated into our society as much as possible. And then it hit me, CNN should give Wolf Blitzer the boot and turn the Situation Room tv show over to the Situation.
Can't you just imagine: Downy vs. Tide, Secret Tanning Oil Distasters and Ugly Girl Math tonight on "The Situation Room with the Situation". If that isn't a million dollar idea, then Bill Gates and Warren Buffet are collecting unemployment. I did a little research and it turns out I wasn't the only one with this idea, even including a parody video on youtube with 218,000 views. 218,000 people think this is a great idea, so it can't be wrong.
You're probably thinking, this sounds like an interesting idea, but CNN, the global news leader, would never do it. Au contraire, mon fritter. The glory days of CNN are gone, they're last in the ratings, and their 900 year old number one guy is so far gone he doesn't even know the difference between Ringo Starr and George Harrison. As you can see, CNN is ripe for a massive reality check, and who better to administrator that than the greatest reality star of all time, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino. This move would bring CNN into the 21st century, with a star whose show garners more viewers than anything CNN currently puts on the error. Not too mention the increased ad revenue the network would get from Cadillac, laundry detergent, condoms, and Ron Ron Juice. Taking all these points in to account, it is clear that CNN, a network in desperate disrepair and disarray, should make this drastic, yet revolutionary move of putting "The Situation Room with The Situation" on the air immediately and taking the top spot back from the fear-mongering hacks like Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, and Glenn Beck. We will all be better for it. Viva la Situation!!!
Can't you just imagine: Downy vs. Tide, Secret Tanning Oil Distasters and Ugly Girl Math tonight on "The Situation Room with the Situation". If that isn't a million dollar idea, then Bill Gates and Warren Buffet are collecting unemployment. I did a little research and it turns out I wasn't the only one with this idea, even including a parody video on youtube with 218,000 views. 218,000 people think this is a great idea, so it can't be wrong.
You're probably thinking, this sounds like an interesting idea, but CNN, the global news leader, would never do it. Au contraire, mon fritter. The glory days of CNN are gone, they're last in the ratings, and their 900 year old number one guy is so far gone he doesn't even know the difference between Ringo Starr and George Harrison. As you can see, CNN is ripe for a massive reality check, and who better to administrator that than the greatest reality star of all time, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino. This move would bring CNN into the 21st century, with a star whose show garners more viewers than anything CNN currently puts on the error. Not too mention the increased ad revenue the network would get from Cadillac, laundry detergent, condoms, and Ron Ron Juice. Taking all these points in to account, it is clear that CNN, a network in desperate disrepair and disarray, should make this drastic, yet revolutionary move of putting "The Situation Room with The Situation" on the air immediately and taking the top spot back from the fear-mongering hacks like Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, and Glenn Beck. We will all be better for it. Viva la Situation!!!
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