Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Why the Steroid Outrage is Outrageous

I normally enjoy listening to sports talk radio and shows like Around the Horn the PTI, but lately I have been greatly turned off by the self-righteous outrage over steroids in baseball. There are so many reasons why this outrage is unfounded that they won't all fit here, but I will post a few:




  1. Steroids are considered bad in baseball because they are "performance enhancing drugs", not because they are illegal. That would be fine if baseball players didn't already use performance enhancing drugs every day. Ever heard of greenies? They are basically amphetamines that give the players extra energy to perform. How about cortizone? That would be what Curt Schilling had shot into his ankle before his famous bloody sock performance. You know what kind of performance he would have put on without that shot? There wouldn't have been one, because he wouldn't have been able to walk out to the mound, let alone pitch 7+ innings. If that isn't performance enhancing I don't know what is. So until baseball outlaws all performance enhancing drugs, why should steroids be singled out?


  2. Another steroids argument is what about the records? How are we supposed to compare Babe Ruth to Barry Bonds when Bonds played in the steroid era? Well, let me tell you something, you can't compare the time periods anyways. You know what players did in the off season in the 30's and 40's? They sold insurance or took five years off to go fight World War Two. Now players spend the whole year working out and staying in shape. Who knows what kind of stats the old time players would have put up if they treated baseball as a year round job. Secondly, the advent of the relief pitcher made it impossible to compare eras. In the old days, pitching a complete game was the norm, not an anomaly as it is now. Bob Feller completed 57% of his starts over his career. What does this mean? Ever hear an announcer say that the hitters are hitting a pitcher better the third and fourth time thru the order? Well, now take into account that Babe Ruth got to hit against the same pitcher at least four times in a game a ridiculous amount more than a player today does, who probably averages hitting against three pitchers a game. How many home runs would Bonds have hit if he got to hit four times a game against some of the shitty pitchers that are around now. That change in the nature of pitching alone makes it impossible to compare the two eras, regardless of whether or not steroids are in play.


  3. Another argument is what about the guys playing right now who didn't use steroids? Well, up until a few weeks ago, A-Rod was championed as the guy who did it the right way. Turns out he didn't, so how do we really know that any of these guys didn't use steroids. As much as I despise him, every prediction Jose Canseco has made has come true, and he said 80% of players were using steroids. Assuming he is right, and he probably is, that seems like a pretty even playing field to me.


  4. There is such an unspoken double standard with steroids and everything else bad that players do. Daryl Strawberry just came out with a book describing how the 86 Mets were having sex during games, and getting drunk every night. Any outrage over that? Not a peep. Plenty of the old time players who are held on a pedestal were just as big of degenerates as anyone today. Quick story about Ty Cobb: A guy in the crowd with no legs caught a foul ball and Cobb went over and took the ball from him. One of his teammates said to him "Ty, what are you doing? The guy has no legs." You know what his response was? "I don't care if he ain't got no arms either." So this goes to show that there are assholes no matter what era you look at, so you shouldn't judge the character of players from one and not judge those from another.


  5. Where is the outrage about steroid use in other sports? Remember in 2006 when Shawn Merriman was suspended four games for using steroids? The sports writers were so pissed off at the end of the season that instead of voting him number one for NFL Defensive Player of the Year, they really gave it to him and only voted him number three. Now, I'm a huge fan of Tiger Woods, and I don't think he's ever done steroids, but here is a guy who has gotten much more muscular as his career has progressed; much like a couple of guys named A-Roid and B-Roid. Just curious where are the people questioning whether he gained all those muscles naturally or not, as they would be if he were a baseball player?


  6. Now let me run a little scenario by all you apoplectic sports writers. Consider there is a magic little pill that if you take it will make you write much better articles than you're currently producing and will propel you onto an ESPN talk show or even a major sports pre-game show. Now consider all your rival sports writers are taking it, that there is no penalty if you get caught taking it, and if you don't take it you are likely to end up covering the local fair for some bi-weekly rag in BFE. Now tell me whether or not you would take that pill. Of course you would, you would be stupid not too.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Are You Embarrassed by the TV You Watched Growing Up?


This past weekend, my roommate and I watched an early episode of Saved by the Bell, when Screech looked like he was 12 years old. When I saw Zack Morris walk on the screen in full glory sporting a Canadien Tuxedo, a hideous blue/green t-shirt, and a pair of ridiculous all white old man high tops, I thought to myself, did I really used to watch this shit? The answer to that is a big fat resounding YES SIR!!! The douche chills reached a maximum when Slater burst on the scene wearing a pair of nut huggers that perfectly complimented Zack's shirt, and a ugly blue tanktop, while teaching Kelly Kapowski how to play bumper pool. Who over the the age of 10 plays bumper pool? And plays it half naked at that? What really scared me about the whole thing was that I used to dress like these guys, and made a point of watching Saved by the Bell every Saturday morning, even that College Years horse shit. This got me thinking about some of the other shit shows I used to waste my time with as a young lad: Power Rangers, Beverly Hills 90210, Step by Step and Pee Wee's Playhouse to name a few. When I look back at these, I cannot believe that I ever watched these, and am embarrassed to say that I did. That isn't too say there aren't some shows that don't withstand the test of time: Looney Tunes, Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Duck Tales. But by far the shit outweighs the roses and makes me wonder what was wrong with me back then that allowed me to watch such swill. Imagine if I had spent all the time I devoted to these shows, to learning to play the piano or the guitar; my coolness levels would be off the charts. So, in closing, I ask you: Do you ever see something from your childhood that you partook in, feel immediately embarrassed and say to yourself What The Fuck?

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

What Is Wrong With Steven Adler?

Ever watch Celebrity Rehab or Celebrity Rehab Presents: Sober House? Do you find yourself being frustrated and scratching your head at the behavior of Steven Adler? (Former drummer of Guns n' Roses) This guy could not stop talking about how he wanted to get sober, and what does he do on his first day in the house? Repeatedly smokes black tar heroin and shows himself as the continuing strung out junkie he is. Now I've never been addicted to heroin, and I'm sure it is hell, but at some point after you've gone thru numerous treatment facilities, how about some accountability and will power. Maybe this guy doesn't really want to quit, and he justs wants to keep getting high. He was kicked out of Guns n' Roses for christ's sake. The same Guns n Roses whose lead singer Axl Rose was co-hosting $30,000 drug fueled orgies with Lars Ulrich of Metallica every night on tour. Do you realize what a complete fuck-up you would have to be, to get kicked out of the travelling shit show that was Guns n' Roses? This is someone who blames his drug use on being kicked out of the house by his mom at the age of 13, when in actuality he just didn't want to live there anymore and left on his own. This is someone who has given himself a stroke from his drug use that jacked up his face for the rest of his life and didn't miss a beat with the drugs. This is someone who has a hot wife that for the some unknown reason has stuck with him thru all his shit and just wants him to get clean. This is someone who brought a pair of pants to his sober house that he hadn't "worn in ten years", but just just happened to have some heroin in the back pocket. All he has shown time and again is that he is a selfish lier and is not serious at all about getting sober.

So what does this tell us about Adler, and people in general? Often drugs, heroin in particular, are horribly addicting and take over a persons life. But maybe sometimes people do drugs because they really like them, frankly just don't care what it does to them/family/friends, and don't feel the need to stop . His words say that he would like to stop, but his actions show the complete opposite. Next time you watch Sober House and find yourself wanting to jump thru the screen and strangle Steven Adler for being a complete jerk-off, ask yourself: Is this guy really an addict trying to get clean, or is he just a selfish asshole who really likes to smoke black tar heroin every hour on the hour?